The truth about sensuality

I bet you never thought an article about sensuality would start with pain and numbness, but this is really an important part - let me explain…

I had an attempted womb biopsy recently. When they told me they wanted me to have this my first reaction was no. That was my gut body answer. I was told they really needed to check things and this was the only way so again I went against my better judgement and went to the appointment.

The first thing that really struck me about it was that the nurses were guiding me to distract and talk whilst it was happening so I could 'check-out' of the experience. I wanted to breathe into it and have the doctor talk me through what she was doing, but they were having none of it and at that moment I couldn't strongly voice what I needed so I just lay there and cried.

It was actually so painful and I was being so loudly distracted that I couldn't let them finish, I screamed and burst into tears and my body and I descended back into temporary numbness with an extra layer of new trauma. Fun.

The nurses consoled me by telling me that most women can't bear it especially if they've not had children, and the ones that do get through are witnessed gritting their teeth and sobbing.

What the F!

This really made me reflect on how behind we are in research for women's health and how outdated these brutal procedures are. But more than that, how we aren't taught at any stage about how incredible our bodies are and how important it is to experience ourselves in our fullness of feeling (our gift as women), even if this is pain. Instead we are advised to take drugs to numb pain, to distract, to listen to doctors and medicine over our own inherent wisdom and to put up with things that don't feel right.

We have to make it ok to say no and to elevate our own intuition to a higher guide than someone outside of us. We need to come back to our bodies and their wisdom ❤

This is sensuality.

Seems weird huh? That sensuality also includes feeling into pain and listening to all the signs our body gives even when uncomfortable, but in order to feel pleasure and enjoy the movement of our bodies in a sensual way, we need to be open to FEELING and this includes pain. It also includes releasing trauma and feeling into the things we may have buried deep in order to survive at the time, so that we can let go of the things that block us from feeling.

I am so grateful that at a time like this I have body-based practices that can support me in feeling into the pain, releasing this trauma and loving myself back to feeling again. Numbness is not fun and a lot of women I work with come to me with numbness or pain, and these are the two things it seems we have no idea what to do with. And we can’t be sensual when we are numb. I felt like that for most of my life, and time and time again I went back to doctors who have nothing to offer in this way as this isn't what medicine focuses on. Thank goodness for tantra is all I can say!

Throughout all my years of total numbness and 'faking it', I was led to tantra, and when I eventually found teachers who could help me unlock this wisdom deep within myself I realised why my soul had been whispering to me about tantra all along and that this is what the world is missing! I realised that through not being able to deal with the pain and trauma I had experienced I had numbed myself, but the ONLY WAY back into feeling and being more sensual in myself, enjoying pleasure and joy again, was just that- FEELING, and that meant the pain too.

It has been the most transformational path of my life going from pain and numbness to pleasure and feeling it all. So I'm here sitting with the pain, nourishing my body and knowing that avoiding this will only make the numbness and deep pain worse. Bringing light to the shadow is THE step to liberation. To sensuality.

I can't wait to share more of this with you in my upcoming 'Shakti Unleashed' programme, you can find all the info about this 13 week healing immersion and my one-on-one coaching here.

My mission is to help everyone feel the fullness of themselves and release the pain we hold. In my women’s community we show up and share where we are and the things that we are going through. This shines so much light onto our inner darkness, a collective loving consciousness, which is a hugely powerful way to heal. You can join our Facebook women’s community here.

I would love to hear about your experiences with womb biopsies, pain and anything else you would love to share - story telling is a powerful way to release yourself from the shame and burden of the trauma, no matter how small. I read and reply to all the comments so I look forward to connecting with you ❤