World Sexual Health Day: What it really is to be sexually healthy?

It's World Sexual Health Day today and without knowing I already felt inclined to touch on the great world of sex today after watching a movie that reminded me how warped the narrative is on this sacred act (the fact that I can’t even write the word on my social media should give you an idea!)

Most of us won't get much of a sex education when we’re younger, or ever in fact, and the ones at school really don't help. So what do we end up learning from? Sadly the answer to this is mainly porn and movies or other more experienced people who are also getting it all wrong. And this is a huge problem.

In today’s blog I won't delve into into the feminine (and society) degrading world of porn, we all know that isn't giving anyone an accurate view on how sex is. But let's look at movies. How often do the people on the screen start getting it on, immediately get into business with penetration and skip any kind of waking up of the female body? Any foreplay? Any intimacy throughout the day? Any other forms of sex other than the obvious one? Its all male focussed and all over in a few minutes, if she's lucky 🤦🏼‍♀️

For many of us our sex-lives may have always resembled this, and this is what gets boring. Just going through the motions or getting to a release and done. No magic, no connection, no mind-blowing bliss.

Did you know that for most women it is impossible to have an orgasm from penetration alone? That anyone thinks women can is some weird myth that I cringe at every time when I see it on tv or hear about it - guys, it doesn’t make you less of a sex God if she needs some attention and caressing in other areas - it’s actually anatomically how women are wired.

Second interesting sex fact - women take on average 40 minutes to warm up and become engorged and fully receptive, and this is before there should be any penetration. Yep 40 minutes. Now that can seem like a slog, but why? Why do we want to rush the most pleasurable act we ever do? Slowing down is key if we’re to unlock the magic…

This is why I do my job as a sex coach (when I’m not unwell like I am now) - because we're all learning it wrong and missing the whole magical point, and I sooooo badly want everyone to be sexually healthy and experience what we all are capable of - pure bliss ✨

So a bit of sex history for World Sexual Healthy Day. For tens of thousands of years sex was taught by all different lineages all over the world as the ultimate Divine Union between masculine and feminine and as a way to reach bliss, enlightenment and ultimately as a spiritual practice. Temple Goddesses (Dakinis) initiated men into the practice and they got a glimpse of the divine through the pleasure, expansion and earth-shattering experience with being fully present to all of everything. Including feeling all sensations and full body, multiple orgasms 💥

Wow how far we have fallen.

This power was obviously too much for the church and other leaders at the time to control, and it was in the hands (or should I say the yonis (sacred word for a woman’s genitals)) of women, shock horror, and so when they wanted to take power they shifted the view on sex into something taboo, sinful and to be ashamed of. Oh and to top it off they subjugated women to that of virginial girl to be married off and just produce babies. Sex as a powerful life-enhancing practice was banished. Well almost 😜

But this is our birth right and it’s a truth that can’t be hidden for long, and you probably can sense that tantra and other forms of embracing this truth are rising into the collective voice again, as are women!! To feel pleasure, to expand, to be present with all of the incredible-ness of your body and this very moment and of ecstasy is something we all can do ❤️‍🔥 and my mission is to make sure we all have access to learning and talking about this - our bodies and pleasure is NOT taboo!

In order to remember what our bodies already know, we have to let go of the old ways, the habits where we think sex is about an end goal, a release. Its not. And if that's all we take it for then we miss the whole thing, and in fact add to our ageing and release our life force (guys don't do this!) 

So many women come to me feeling numb and un-interested in sex, and men come to me frustrated and knowing deep down that what they're doing isn't satisfying. It isn't and won't ever be!

It starts with presence, being present with our bodies, and with each other and slowing way down. This really is a divine union (if we’re doing it with another person) and when we breathe, move slow, explore and take agendas off the table, we can reconnect with ourselves, our body and each other in ways we may have never known existed!

AND the most important part - sex is not just what you do with a partner, it’s how you pleasure and love yourself, and actually we need to start here first!

Our sexual energy is our life force energy and source of our creativity. For many of us it is locked down in our lower chakras, hence the feel of being numb or frustrated - it gets stagnant and doesn’t move. This is supposed to flow around our whole body and heal and uplift. That’s why tantra is so profoundly healing because it works with what is and helps us circulate our lifeforce, exploring our blocks from trauma and pain - even if we aren’t doing any sexual practice and we’re on our own - it’s an inner work journey as with all spiritual practices.

Sexual health is so much more than about STIs, its about how you move your sexual energy and how it enthuses your life. It’s also about making love, literally CREATING love. When we are present in the act of sex, whether with our partner or alone, we lift our energy and bring love into the world. Wow I bet you didn’t know sex was so exciting for all these reasons.

 Well I could talk about this all day, if you want to know know more then send me a message. I’ll be sharing more as I write my book and inspiration flows to share tips on how to be happy and sexually healthy - I told you, this is one of my life’s missions!

How can you bring about more pleasure into your day? One of my faves is slowly rubbing body lotion in after a shower - make it about loving yourself - remember sex and sexual health is not just about one thing or someone else, it’s an every day, every moment self-love affair ❤