Why can’t we talk about pleasure?
And why pleasure is essential if we want to live our best life! (Sorry everyone, I’m telling you that you are going to have to enjoy your life more!)
Well that got juicy quickly! And I breathe a breath of relief as I finally start to talk more about something really really really important; PLEASURE!
As an Energy and Sexuality Coach and someone who teaches feminine arts, I see more and more clearly how I really wasn’t alone in feeling numb and stuck and pent-up for many years. I used to wonder what was wrong with me and why I always had been so sexual, but couldn’t actually really FEEL much pleasure in my body; not much of my enormous well of sexual energy went towards my pleasure - most of it was a fierce, insatiable raging pulse in my body with no avenue for it as I was either scared of hurting someone during interactions with others, or went with the only way I had learnt to express this - the good-old porn star act, which was an example of what most of learn as women - how to just be there to please my partner. I am a wild soul and my mind works with erotica like it was made for it, but this was actually all just my energy’s way of trying to get out, a way for me to vent a bit so I didn’t explode!
Thankfully I felt with all of my being that surely this wasn’t it, that if I was broken and didn’t function properly then I could surely fix myself. I also could see that particularly as young women, we were settling for mediocre and I would see many of my friend being dis-interested in sex and thought I was odd as I was so interested in it and had so much sexual energy. From a young age this led me to be curious about sex, which led me to tantra, and I began to explore more. I would often come across people who were practicing tantra or were in a community and it always sparked my interest; I just didn’t know where or how to explore it, as sadly at the moment it is still largely underground due to the huge misconceptions and stigma held around sex and tantra.
What is tantra and how does it help?
Tantra is all about what IS. It isn’t just about sex at all, it allows us to EXPERIENCE freedom and feel our energy, and is more often than not very playful, but also has some discipline to it if you really want to get into it (why wouldn’t you!). Now I can only speak for the ladies, but I had spent my whole life being told by society, people, media, partners, porn, EVERYONE in fact, that being sexual is bad, slutty in fact, and that sex has a focus of the man’s pleasure - but boy, how wrong are we all getting it, man and woman, and how much are we missing out on!
The old-fashioned ‘release’ orgasm version of sex that is all that we see in the movies, is what can often be termed ‘a sneeze’ in tantra. That gives you an idea of what we are all missing by practicing love-making this way and how much of an ecstatic world of joy we can find in practicing tantra. Love-making, whether alone or with a partner is just that; MAKING LOVE, and if love is bliss, then we are essentially creating bliss. I like to re-coin it having pleasure instead of having sex, for those of you who are a little thrown off by the love-making term - but you get the jist.
Tantra helps us find pleasure in all things, and allows them to be felt on all levels and help us reach bliss, otherwise known as enlightenment, or on our way to that at least. It is a profound spiritual practice that is routed in our bodily human physical experience, as opposed to denying our human body. And it really is an incredible way to heal, to feel and to love life more; it literally opened my entire being up and uncovered my huge potential energy and what I can do with that if it flows into my life instead of being supressed. It also has massively aided my meditation practice; all of me is involved and I achieve higher more calm states because nothing is stagnant or stuck!
Why is pleasure taboo?
Pleasure and sex aren’t people we talk about though, it strikes me as odd as we all enjoy pleasure and if we were more open about it we would all be able to learn more and feel more. I spent years not being able to find answers because who do you talk to about this stuff? As I said a lot my friends growing up has little interest in sex, and no wonder given the general narrative shared all over the world about it being a sin or dirty. Think back to your earliest experience of wanting to be naked all the time, or touching yourself and maybe being told that was naughty? Or sex being turned off if it came on the tv? Or never spoken about? All of these things drive it into a hidden world where we don’t learn and so turn to porn or other people our age to learn from, who also don’t have a clue.
As a brief look at why - let’s take a look a little way back in history and we will see pleasure, sex, the feminine and her magic were revered. Leaders were women, and they were the oracle and guidance about what tribes and countries should do, especially whilst they were bleeding (when we are at our most intuitive)! We can even go back centuries to Emperors in China and see how their guidance was from wise women, and how they taught sacred sexuality and how to use inner power to live a long and happy life. Sadly in order to control people, the church burned the most powerful women, and oppressed women. Tantra and other ancient spiritual practices were sent underground and have been time and time again; thankfully the feminine is on the rise and so is tantra! If we are all in our pleasure, we are unstoppable, especially women, but guys, you hold more power internally than you think, and I’m not going to go into that today (a future blog and podcast). Now imagine that when we come together - just wow!
Power has been externalised as people got more and more disconnected from themselves, nature and pleasure and wanted to control for greed, True power isn’t in control and macho-aggressiveness, true power is within and is all about being connected to your body, your inner world and everything else. When you unleash your energy and let it flow in your body and life, you come alive, and you also heal your body, traumas and other’s around you.
We all have this energy, we are made of it. Sexual energy or kundalini as it is often called, is what we are made from when we are conceived. We all have varying degrees of it and yes some people are more sexual than others, but we all have it and for most of us its stuck dormant in our pelvis and at the base of our spine, which can cause all sorts of physical ailments - it’s time to awaken it and let it free - this is our true nature after all!
Do you want more pleasure in your life and your body?
It is my mission now to spread this message and to share these practices that took me from numb, stuck, feeling broken and powerless, to leading my life how I want to, healing myself and experiencing pleasure all day every day (why do you think I like riding pillion on a motorbike so much 😜)
We will explore this topic in my next workshop ‘Body Love’ on 12th September - click here for more info.
I am excited to announce I will be running my next ReWilding course (the last run of it for this year) starting end-September (brought forward a week so that we can end with my ReWilding Weekend Retreat in November!) In this course we get into pleasure and feeling, this is a way to heal and know yourself more, and is such vital work! I also love to work with people 1-on-1 in my ‘Shakti Unleashed’ Coaching programme and I currently have 2 spots in this intimate magical container. If you feel intrigued about either of these things, email me for more info and to set-up a clarity call so we can see what works best for you - this could be the moment that pleasure starts to flow into your life. I WISH I had had a guide to teach me, and so I am honoured to guide you on this transformative journey 🔥
I’ll be sharing more about these important topics; passion, pleasure and all things tantra, on my ‘Conscious chats’ channel. Sign up to my newsletter below so you don’t miss the episodes!
